Hey, sorry I missed you!
I haven't been on my phone as much since being laid off.
I debated even mentioning it because I really don't want you to feel bad for me.
I grew so much during my years at OpenView and it led me to meet some of the best humans on the planet, but I would be lying if I said losing your job feels good.
There's a special type of corporate depression that comes with your career taking an unplanned detour. Even though I know I'll bounce back, it’s still uncomfortable and scary.
I feel like a little kid lost at the grocery store, the longer I’m wondering lost the more urgent being found feels.
It’s as if there I was walking along the same aisles I always do, then I look down at my Gameboy for one second only to pick my head up and realize I don’t know where I’m supposed to go.
Standing alone with options and choices towering around me,
I’m floundering in the thick of the unknown.
Now, I know I’m capable, and I have options. So why is ambiguity such a struggle for this human brain of mine? I think it has to do with patterns.
Brains like patterns
Now that I think about it, most of what our brains do for us is remember things that allow us to function.
I read this article that explained how memories and the brain work. Yes, I actually read an article, not a TikTok, please hold your applause, thank you, thank you.
But the article explained that when an experience activates a small number of neurons in our brain (sparkly brain parts that help us do stuff), that excitement is contagious.
As more neurons activate and begin firing together it allows the fragments to bind together to recall a whole memory.
That’s pattern completion baby! And pattern completion is what tells our bodies to remember, think, do.
Now it seems so obvious.
If our brain parts are hard wired to complete patterns, it makes sense why ambiguity and inability to complete the pattern of our future is terrifying, awkward and stressful. It’s our brains saying…
“Hey wait, idk if we got this… I need more info!!!”
Younger me would be crying under the Captain Crunch by now but slightly-less-younger-me now is excited about this off-script plot for myself.
But what’s changed? I don’t have more info or a crystal ball to tell my future, but what I do have is more memories.
Each one firing after the other reminding me of all the times the unknown led me somewhere better than I imagined.
Now as I look back on the ever-growing list of my experiences and memories, one thing is crystal clear...
Life is designed for contrast
High peaks strung together by low sometimes very lonely valleys.
Wedding engagements followed by traumatic injuries.
Unexpected change followed by appreciation and growth.
I’ve been so grateful for everyone who has reached out to me these past 6 months, it really means more than you know.
Maybe it's just because I'm a designer but I prefer life this way, high contrast.
While darkness without light lacks direction and focus,
a world without contrast lacks character.
If 2023 taught me anything, it's not that every good thing has a dark underside waiting to reveal itself, but that after every valley there is a higher mountain peak waiting to be seen.
So I'm planning on living 2024 in full color, high definition, high contrast. Maximum memory mode. I’m buying the expensive butter.
(distant dramatic meowing)
Okay Noodle…I have to go but I'll try you again later.
I was a bit off topic this time so I’ll think more on our memory framework for our next call, but the idea of excitement repetition completing a whole memory and that building affinity feels somewhat right to me.
What do you think? Let me know.
Well see ya, until the next valley or mountain peak.
Byeee!
Peaks, Valleys, and Other Jobless Wonders | Sorry I Missed You (15)