Sorry it’s so late! Not surprised I got your voicemail, I meant to call you earlier but totally lost track of time.
I won’t lie, lately it feels like I’m losing at everything.
Life has been throwing a lot at me these days but who am I kidding…
I've been a loser my entire life.
And I'm actually happy, no, PROUD to be one.
What I mean is that winning or being competitive doesn't motivate me, like at all. But I've got nothing against winners!
I was head cheerleader for a football team that did not win a single game our entire high school career and while this sounds like the plot to Bring It On, we both know I was nowhere near as cool as Kirsten Dunst or Gabrielle Union.
Nobody cared about the football team or us cheerleaders and I honestly liked it that way.
Winners can keep the winning for themselves.
Winners are at a disadvantage
You see, every week, rain or shine I'd grab my pom poms and backflip my way to the field to cheer for a team that I knew was going to lose.
We'd stand there in our mini skirts freezing our asses off yelling "Go Alex!" knowing damn well there was nothing Alex could do to win against the 100-0 scoreboard.
Still, every Friday night under the bright lights we showed up. But why?
To try out for the competitive cheer team you had to cheer for another sport like basketball or football.
We didn't care about losing. Every week was like a practice with the opportunity to get feedback from a live audience.
It wasn’t until earlier this week when I spoke on a design panel about the “Essence of Creation” that I realized the reason why I love giving and getting feedback so much is because of my experience in team sports.
If you're not telling me what's wrong, my anxiety has already made up a beautifully bulleted list to share with you at any time so please, give me feedback!
My point is that I'm coachable, most of us losers are.
That's why I like working with losers.
Little to no ego and we usually have the best taste in video games.
Winners on the other hand, often assume they are the best (probably because they've got the trophy or 10 million followers to prove it) but that can lead to a lack of innovation or acceptance of feedback.
To me, winning motivates people to try and keep their high ranking status by doubling down on what they did to win the first time. But this thinking can create an echo chamber of ideas instead of fostering innovation and improvement.
Being a "winner" immediately separates someone apart from their pack. This is good for the authority or the glory but can make problem solving harder because then the winner can't connect with everyone else (AKA the rest of us losers) as authentically since they’re not on the same level…if that makes sense?
On the flipside, losers like to do what we do best…
lose.
Then we find new more successful solutions to the problem. Who doesn’t love a good underdog story?
This gives us losers the advantage because we don't get too comfortable in our own victories and instead aim to connect to the problem, not the prize.
There’s a sense of community, belonging and togetherness that comes with being accepting of your loser status that makes us more approachable and human.
With less ego and glory we’re able to minimize the space between the you and who you want to connect with, instead of you vs. them it becomes us.
It's like saying
"I might not be the best but let's figure this out together, trust me."
instead of
"I’m an expert who solved this first or better than you, follow me."
Living like a loser
I like living like a loser, most of the time.
Although I do recall this specific day when I was about 10 years old, my hair was pulled back into a ponytail so tight it looked like I went to the Kardashian’s plastic surgeon.
My nerves were in knots while I waited for the results of the New England Regionals Competitive Cheerleading Competition.
At this time, every team was done doing their routines and the judges panel left the stadium to discuss the rankings.
More importantly, they would decide what team would be moving on to the Nationals competition that happened in Walt Disney World every year.
This was my DREAM.
I had watched Bring It On a million times at this point and the thought of going to Disney World AND competing against the best cheer teams in the country made my little 10 year old brain overflow with all of the excitement and fun possibilities. My life could be like a movie 🤩
This was a day I really wanted to be a winner, or at the very least not a loser.
The judges left to do their judge thing, meanwhile a dance party breaks out on the mat (this was the norm for every competition, what else do you expect from 100s of cheerleaders meeting in one place).
They'd play classics like the cha cha slide, the cotton eyed joe, and maybe one or two of the latest pop hits.
Once the music faded out I cha cha’d myself over to sit on the mat with my team.
We sat in a circle holding hands with our arms crossed for good luck. We had worked so hard to get to this point.
The previous month we had to earn our spot at Regionals by placing top 2 in the Rhode Island States Cheerleading Competition. We had worked day and night since then to perfect every move of our routine, everything we had done was on the line for this.
At this point my hands are damp, hairspray sweat is dripping down my forehead, my mouth is dryer than a box of saltines and my heart is basically pounding out of my ribcage.
Being a well-seasoned loser I keep telling myself to not get my hopes up because it doesn't matter, it's not like I could afford the trip to Disney World anyways.
But still, I wanted this bad.
Not just for me, but for my team.
I squeeze my teammates hands tighter.
The microphone trips on, and voices turn to whispers. The judge with a shiny bald head clears his throat and begins to speak.
He announces 3rd place, not us.
I think — Maybe that's a good thing?
He announces 2nd place, not us, again.
I think — See, I told you it wouldn't happen.
This is our last shot.
"And finally in first place, going to Walt Disney World to compete in Nationals..."
I'm literally about to cry or throw up, probably both.
"The North Kingstown Jaguars!"
My team shot up from the ground at least 3 feet into the air and started cheering, this time for ourselves.
We fucking did it.
We cried and laughed and screamed oh man we screamed. If you think you know loud, you have not been in the middle of 20 cheerleaders who just won first place.
I'll never forget that feeling of winning for the first time. After all of the blood, sweat, tears and hours poured into this piece of art it was finally being seen.
I was being seen.
And it felt unexplainable.
So I will admit it, winning does feel good.
With that said maybe I am a winner, just with a loser’s mentality.
In a loser's world we're all winners.
I'll stop rambling now since it’s getting late here.
I still owe you my thoughts on how to make our lives and work more memorable yadda yadda but I need to think some more. Lots of ideas!
But a core memory story from you would actually be really helpful as I figure this out, so give me a call back when you can.
Okay I'll hang up now, later loser 😉
Bring It On, Loser | Sorry I Missed You (12)